I didn't even get to a date with this one.
his profile:
Age: 37
Occupation: Unemployed/ World of Warcraft
Height: 5'9"
Smoker: Often
Do you drink? Often (>3 times/week)
Do you have a car? No
About Me
i`m just a normal man i love to fish and boating and airboating,they call me the deathmetal redneck.cooking is alot of fun but eating it is better.i hate slobs,i`m a clean freak.i have my own place on the lake it`s small but hey its only me i`m single.my dad and i have four boats,i`m not looking for suger moma just a down to earth lady,i love horror i play world of warcraft with mom and friends,yup my mom is 61 and plays like going to church.i have more to add but this is good for now.
why dose everybody got to be so stuck up?we are all on here for the same reason.
you ppl are just plain mean!!!!! is there a nice lady out there?
piss on you ladies who are like this i`s just fn rude.unread and delete a message before you even get to know him?wtf?!!!
He sent me a message.
Why did I respond? I don't know. Boredom?
His message to me:
Subject: hi sweetie
you are very hot,nice pix.and good morning.what do you want in a man?
My Response:
Hi there.
thank you for the compliment; you seem very nice.
I will answer your question frankly and honestly, and if I offend you, I apologize.
What I look for in a man is someone I can share my life with and at the same time feel like he's the one that was made for me. Physically, that means, he has to be tall (6'4" or 6'5"), dark short hair, physically fit (I can't stress that enough), and motivated. He has to be a professional who owns more than one suit and tie but who also can throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and sit, drink beer, and watch the game. He has to be friendly, outgoing, loyal, and think that I was made for him as well.
Sounds like a tall order, I know. But I've spent too long compromising and I'm done. I deserve to find what I want, even if it takes me a while.
And so do you. I do wish you luck in your search. But I am going to be one of those bitches now that you speak about on your profile and say we're probably not a match.
His response to me:
what ever little miss stuck up.you`er missing out,not my lose.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
Friday, December 3, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
The Mystery Man
We met on eHarmony. He's older than I am- mid-40's. Very nice looking guy... tall, handsome.... and wow is he into me!!! Before we even meet (we've talked on the phone for a few hours) he sends me an email that says "Love ya Baby!!"
Okay, moving a little quickly there but I decide it's just his way.
Friday we're talking on the phone and he said he's dying to get out of work. Wants to tell them he has an appointment but he really doesn't. So I offer a suggestion:
"Come meet me for coffee after work."
5:30 PM we meet for coffee. He's immediately impressed. (So was I...) We order our coffee and go outside, sit and talk for an hour and a half. He's got his arm around me, he's kissing my cheek... we're getting along very well.
I tell him I need to get to the gym so we said goodnight and I promise to keep him apprised of my plans for the evening. We don't stop texting. He calls again. We talk. We're building a bit of a friendship here, and I can tell he's rather into me.
The next day we text all day long. Flirting, having fun, just basically enjoying our banter. We have dinner. Nice conversation, good food, just an over all good time. I tell him I really need to go home, concentrate, and get some homework done. He seems disappointed.
About an hour later I'm reading my book for school and all of the words are running together. My reading comprehension is close to zero as is my retention at this point. I call him. No answer.
He texts me about 20 minutes later. "Why did you call?"
"I changed my mind"
"About what?"
"You coming over."
"Really? How do I get there?"
"You have GPS?"
"Yes"
I give him my address and continue to attempt to read my book. About an hour later, he shows up.
I give him a tour of the place (It's a one bedroom apartment. Doesn't take forever.) and we go into the bedroom. The tv is on and we sit on the bed and lay for a bit. He leans over and kisses me. I reciprocate.
We're making out for a good 20 minutes when he asks me if I have any condoms. I say I don't. He asks where the nearest store is and offers to go get them. Nearest store is less than a tenth of a mile away. I explain where it is. He gets up, puts his shoes on and I walk him to the door. We're still kissing. He goes.
And that, my friends, is the last I heard from him. Went out for condoms. Never returned.
Double-You Tee Effffff.
Okay, moving a little quickly there but I decide it's just his way.
Friday we're talking on the phone and he said he's dying to get out of work. Wants to tell them he has an appointment but he really doesn't. So I offer a suggestion:
"Come meet me for coffee after work."
5:30 PM we meet for coffee. He's immediately impressed. (So was I...) We order our coffee and go outside, sit and talk for an hour and a half. He's got his arm around me, he's kissing my cheek... we're getting along very well.
I tell him I need to get to the gym so we said goodnight and I promise to keep him apprised of my plans for the evening. We don't stop texting. He calls again. We talk. We're building a bit of a friendship here, and I can tell he's rather into me.
The next day we text all day long. Flirting, having fun, just basically enjoying our banter. We have dinner. Nice conversation, good food, just an over all good time. I tell him I really need to go home, concentrate, and get some homework done. He seems disappointed.
About an hour later I'm reading my book for school and all of the words are running together. My reading comprehension is close to zero as is my retention at this point. I call him. No answer.
He texts me about 20 minutes later. "Why did you call?"
"I changed my mind"
"About what?"
"You coming over."
"Really? How do I get there?"
"You have GPS?"
"Yes"
I give him my address and continue to attempt to read my book. About an hour later, he shows up.
I give him a tour of the place (It's a one bedroom apartment. Doesn't take forever.) and we go into the bedroom. The tv is on and we sit on the bed and lay for a bit. He leans over and kisses me. I reciprocate.
We're making out for a good 20 minutes when he asks me if I have any condoms. I say I don't. He asks where the nearest store is and offers to go get them. Nearest store is less than a tenth of a mile away. I explain where it is. He gets up, puts his shoes on and I walk him to the door. We're still kissing. He goes.
And that, my friends, is the last I heard from him. Went out for condoms. Never returned.
Double-You Tee Effffff.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
The Talker
This guy is “The Talker” because that’s all he does!!!!!
The correspondence started rather innocently. He messaged me to say he liked my profile and my smile. After a few email exchanges, he gave me his number, so I texted him because texting is so much easier than logging into the website from my telephone and I was out and about.
We talked a bit on text. He seemed like a harmless guy, and I figured talking to him wouldn’t harm me. I told him I was very busy studying but thanked him for contacting me. He texted me a few times throughout the week and I may have responded with a hello but I was never really interested. However, you hear stories like this all the time where people don’t make an immediate connection but later find out they’re very attracted to the person…
So it’s a Sunday. I’m half asleep, laying in bed, the tv on, watching “Meet the Press” and the phone rings. The caller ID says his name. Since he has the same name as a former date of mine, I pick up the phone. Before I say hello, I realize that the former date is in my phone under his first AND last name… and I realize who is really calling. I fall silent, struggling. Do I say hello? Do I hang up? The immediate panic that comes with the realization of a big mistake rose in my throat and silenced me. I heard, “Susan??? Hello??? Susan????” I hung up.
Immediately I felt guilty. I called him back. He didn’t deserve that. I made up some excuse and told him my phone was giving me issues. I know, I know…. Why bother? I don’t know…. He’s really a decent guy and I really go out of my way to avoid hurting people. We talked—oops, I mean, HE talked for about 30 minutes and finally asked me to meet him for lunch. Well, I hadn’t eaten yet, so why not? After all, I love Panera.
We went into Panera and immediately everyone knew we were on a first date because as soon as I ordered, he paid and I thanked him, and he said loud enough for EVERYONE to hear “I’m just SO glad to meet you!!”
We go to sit down and he’s complimenting me continuously. It’s nice to receive compliments, but this guy was overboard! “I love your smile.” “You have great legs.” “Let me see your eyes.” “What a great smile you have” “Great shoes! I love shoes too.”
I keep trying to change the subject, make small talk, ask him about his job and whatnot but this guy has a one-track mind, and right now, that track is me. I literally have turned this guy into a complete babbling idiot.
He starts repeating himself, telling me for yet the fourth time that his brother is coming to town with his kids this week and he is excited to see them. I am completely unable to get a word in edgewise.
“So tell me about yourself. I’m a good listener. I talk a lot but I’m also a good listener. How long have you been on POF?”
“Tuesday will be two weeks.”
“Really? Because I joined back in November. I really like it. I can go on there and talk to girls and some of them are really cute but none are as pretty as you. I can’t believe you answered my email. I don’t usually get pretty women like you to answer my emails. You have a great smile. But you know I saw your pictures and I thought well the worst that could happen is she doesn’t respond. So I just decided to message you.”
“Thanks”
“Yeah and I’ve been really working on this studying for my recertification for work and I’ve really been looking forward to taking you out. And I pulled into the parking lot and was waiting for you and as soon as I opened my book Whoa! There you were and I was like “cool!” and when you got out of the car I was like “Wow I really like that she’s my height.” Isn’t that the greatest when you see someone and you immediately like the way they look. Do I look the way I look in my pictures?”
“Yeah, I mean…”
“Because you are really a lot prettier than your pictures…”
This continued for about a half hour. We talked about tattoos. Oh My GAWD.
This man actually rolled up his sleeves and READ his tattoos to me. Like I was some kind of two year old who couldn’t read or make a correlation between a picture and a phrase. “This one is a compass, and it says “Life’s a Journey, Enjoy the ride.” And this one says “Live Laugh Learn.”Most people say “Live Laugh Love” but I like “Live Laugh Learn” because I think you need to do all three to finally reach love you know what I mean? I mean of course you have to live and laughter is the key to any relationship and you have to learn about the other person. I’m writing a book. The title is “Live Laugh Learn” isn’t that a great title? I think the cover of the book will be a picture of my tattoo…”
It kept going on and on.
When there was a break in the conversation (meaning he had to take a breath) I said “So, you’ve been on pof since November? How many dates have you been on?”
“Three”
“Oh you’re just a baby. I’ve been on many dates.”
“Yeah well I’m pretty picky about who I take out, you know? I mean, they haven’t been as pretty as you but you know there has to be a connection there before I will take them out. I really like to chat with them but I don’t always get to this point with them you know what I mean?”
And he continued rambling.
Finally, I couldn’t take anymore.
“Thank you for lunch. I really have to go. I have this paper due this week and I haven’t even started on it…”
“Oh no, it’s over already? What did I do wrong? Was I complimenting you too much? I don’t usually compliment people that much it’s just that you’re so pretty and Oh you probably don’t want to see me again do you? What did I do wrong? I always screw it up… You know how you asked me how many dates I’ve been on? I lied about that because if I told you I have been out on 27 dates you’d probably think I was desperate and girls don’t’ like when I tell tham that I’ve been on that many dates. I mean 27, that’s a lot, right? It’s kind of silly, really…”
I couldn’t believe he was asking me to analyze our date in the middle of our date.
After another 20 minutes of him talking my ear off, I gave him a hug, thanked him again and said goodbye. On the way home I was texting my friend. My friend said something. At the same time this guy messaged me and said “I had a great time and would love to take you out again.” I replied to my friend- but by mistake, I sent him the message. It simply said “Prove it.”
Less than 30 seconds later the phone rang. “Oh my god I love your sense of humor. “Prove it!” hahah. I never got a response like that from someone. You’re so funny and clever! That’s a great response! I’ll prove it! I’ll take you to dinner on Saturday, what do you say? I’ll take you to this little hole in the wall restaurant and we’ll have a great time”
I agreed. However, half way through the week I sent him this message:
I met a guy last night. No, he's not "the one," but he said something that left me thinking. I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say, he said that if honesty is important, so is full disclosure. I thought about what he said and he is right. Full disclosure is important. And saying "no" sucks but sometimes it has to be done.
I think you're a wonderful person... but if the chemistry is not there on a first date, it's not there. And with you, I don't think a second date will make it appear. I'll still go to dinner with you, but if you think it will be a waste of your time, I understand. I just don't see it going any further than that. There are many factors- but I won't get into them.
I hope you understand. I'm sorry if I let you down.
If it makes you feel any better, I told him that he wasn't the one either. I think it will be good for me to just say what I feel and stop waiting for feelings that may (but probably will not) develop.
His response:
Hi Susan,
Do not worry about it, I still had excellent time on the date with a good conversation. I think we had a few thinks in common like training at the gym and not having kids. And a high heel shoe fetish as well. But if you think there's nothing there what to say other than thank you for the opportunity and good luck in your search. But if you change your mind let me know because I still think you have a nice set of legs with those high heels. To bad I couldn't get a look at you selection. L.O.L. My question why do you feel like theres nothing there. Did I made you feel uneasy with the complaints or something. (Of course he meant “compliments”)
Me:
Oh no... It wasn't anything I can put my finger on... Its just chemistry... Something just wasn't there. I can't put my finger on it. But I do know I usually look for someone taller- like 6'4" or 6'5". But that wasn't it. I just don't know- its a feeling.
Then he kept asking me for another date. I ended up telling him “Thanks anyway.”
Ugh. Like a damned albatross!!!!!!!
The correspondence started rather innocently. He messaged me to say he liked my profile and my smile. After a few email exchanges, he gave me his number, so I texted him because texting is so much easier than logging into the website from my telephone and I was out and about.
We talked a bit on text. He seemed like a harmless guy, and I figured talking to him wouldn’t harm me. I told him I was very busy studying but thanked him for contacting me. He texted me a few times throughout the week and I may have responded with a hello but I was never really interested. However, you hear stories like this all the time where people don’t make an immediate connection but later find out they’re very attracted to the person…
So it’s a Sunday. I’m half asleep, laying in bed, the tv on, watching “Meet the Press” and the phone rings. The caller ID says his name. Since he has the same name as a former date of mine, I pick up the phone. Before I say hello, I realize that the former date is in my phone under his first AND last name… and I realize who is really calling. I fall silent, struggling. Do I say hello? Do I hang up? The immediate panic that comes with the realization of a big mistake rose in my throat and silenced me. I heard, “Susan??? Hello??? Susan????” I hung up.
Immediately I felt guilty. I called him back. He didn’t deserve that. I made up some excuse and told him my phone was giving me issues. I know, I know…. Why bother? I don’t know…. He’s really a decent guy and I really go out of my way to avoid hurting people. We talked—oops, I mean, HE talked for about 30 minutes and finally asked me to meet him for lunch. Well, I hadn’t eaten yet, so why not? After all, I love Panera.
We went into Panera and immediately everyone knew we were on a first date because as soon as I ordered, he paid and I thanked him, and he said loud enough for EVERYONE to hear “I’m just SO glad to meet you!!”
We go to sit down and he’s complimenting me continuously. It’s nice to receive compliments, but this guy was overboard! “I love your smile.” “You have great legs.” “Let me see your eyes.” “What a great smile you have” “Great shoes! I love shoes too.”
I keep trying to change the subject, make small talk, ask him about his job and whatnot but this guy has a one-track mind, and right now, that track is me. I literally have turned this guy into a complete babbling idiot.
He starts repeating himself, telling me for yet the fourth time that his brother is coming to town with his kids this week and he is excited to see them. I am completely unable to get a word in edgewise.
“So tell me about yourself. I’m a good listener. I talk a lot but I’m also a good listener. How long have you been on POF?”
“Tuesday will be two weeks.”
“Really? Because I joined back in November. I really like it. I can go on there and talk to girls and some of them are really cute but none are as pretty as you. I can’t believe you answered my email. I don’t usually get pretty women like you to answer my emails. You have a great smile. But you know I saw your pictures and I thought well the worst that could happen is she doesn’t respond. So I just decided to message you.”
“Thanks”
“Yeah and I’ve been really working on this studying for my recertification for work and I’ve really been looking forward to taking you out. And I pulled into the parking lot and was waiting for you and as soon as I opened my book Whoa! There you were and I was like “cool!” and when you got out of the car I was like “Wow I really like that she’s my height.” Isn’t that the greatest when you see someone and you immediately like the way they look. Do I look the way I look in my pictures?”
“Yeah, I mean…”
“Because you are really a lot prettier than your pictures…”
This continued for about a half hour. We talked about tattoos. Oh My GAWD.
This man actually rolled up his sleeves and READ his tattoos to me. Like I was some kind of two year old who couldn’t read or make a correlation between a picture and a phrase. “This one is a compass, and it says “Life’s a Journey, Enjoy the ride.” And this one says “Live Laugh Learn.”Most people say “Live Laugh Love” but I like “Live Laugh Learn” because I think you need to do all three to finally reach love you know what I mean? I mean of course you have to live and laughter is the key to any relationship and you have to learn about the other person. I’m writing a book. The title is “Live Laugh Learn” isn’t that a great title? I think the cover of the book will be a picture of my tattoo…”
It kept going on and on.
When there was a break in the conversation (meaning he had to take a breath) I said “So, you’ve been on pof since November? How many dates have you been on?”
“Three”
“Oh you’re just a baby. I’ve been on many dates.”
“Yeah well I’m pretty picky about who I take out, you know? I mean, they haven’t been as pretty as you but you know there has to be a connection there before I will take them out. I really like to chat with them but I don’t always get to this point with them you know what I mean?”
And he continued rambling.
Finally, I couldn’t take anymore.
“Thank you for lunch. I really have to go. I have this paper due this week and I haven’t even started on it…”
“Oh no, it’s over already? What did I do wrong? Was I complimenting you too much? I don’t usually compliment people that much it’s just that you’re so pretty and Oh you probably don’t want to see me again do you? What did I do wrong? I always screw it up… You know how you asked me how many dates I’ve been on? I lied about that because if I told you I have been out on 27 dates you’d probably think I was desperate and girls don’t’ like when I tell tham that I’ve been on that many dates. I mean 27, that’s a lot, right? It’s kind of silly, really…”
I couldn’t believe he was asking me to analyze our date in the middle of our date.
After another 20 minutes of him talking my ear off, I gave him a hug, thanked him again and said goodbye. On the way home I was texting my friend. My friend said something. At the same time this guy messaged me and said “I had a great time and would love to take you out again.” I replied to my friend- but by mistake, I sent him the message. It simply said “Prove it.”
Less than 30 seconds later the phone rang. “Oh my god I love your sense of humor. “Prove it!” hahah. I never got a response like that from someone. You’re so funny and clever! That’s a great response! I’ll prove it! I’ll take you to dinner on Saturday, what do you say? I’ll take you to this little hole in the wall restaurant and we’ll have a great time”
I agreed. However, half way through the week I sent him this message:
I met a guy last night. No, he's not "the one," but he said something that left me thinking. I'll spare you the details, but suffice it to say, he said that if honesty is important, so is full disclosure. I thought about what he said and he is right. Full disclosure is important. And saying "no" sucks but sometimes it has to be done.
I think you're a wonderful person... but if the chemistry is not there on a first date, it's not there. And with you, I don't think a second date will make it appear. I'll still go to dinner with you, but if you think it will be a waste of your time, I understand. I just don't see it going any further than that. There are many factors- but I won't get into them.
I hope you understand. I'm sorry if I let you down.
If it makes you feel any better, I told him that he wasn't the one either. I think it will be good for me to just say what I feel and stop waiting for feelings that may (but probably will not) develop.
His response:
Hi Susan,
Do not worry about it, I still had excellent time on the date with a good conversation. I think we had a few thinks in common like training at the gym and not having kids. And a high heel shoe fetish as well. But if you think there's nothing there what to say other than thank you for the opportunity and good luck in your search. But if you change your mind let me know because I still think you have a nice set of legs with those high heels. To bad I couldn't get a look at you selection. L.O.L. My question why do you feel like theres nothing there. Did I made you feel uneasy with the complaints or something. (Of course he meant “compliments”)
Me:
Oh no... It wasn't anything I can put my finger on... Its just chemistry... Something just wasn't there. I can't put my finger on it. But I do know I usually look for someone taller- like 6'4" or 6'5". But that wasn't it. I just don't know- its a feeling.
Then he kept asking me for another date. I ended up telling him “Thanks anyway.”
Ugh. Like a damned albatross!!!!!!!
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The Heartbreaker
December 20 was our first date. He was sharp, charming, debonair… exactly what I wanted to find in a man. We went to dinner and had a few drinks. Our conversation was enthralling and neither of us could stop smiling.
The restaurant was closing up for the night, so he paid the check and we went out to my car. We kissed, fooled around a bit, and made plans to see each other again. While we sat in the car, he asked if I had a date for New Years. I explained to him that not only did I not have a date for New Years, but that I had NEVER had a date for New Years. Although I had been married for the last 3 New Years Eves, we never had a date or went anywhere.He suggested we check out the Tampa Aquarium. On New Year’s Eve, they have a very expensive black tie dinner and a cruise up the bay to watch the New Years Fireworks. I explained that I didn’t need anything that fancy, but he said we would do that or just be together, go to Universal or something.
The next day we chatted all day. Tuesday night, he came over to my house. We made plans to see each other Christmas day. Christmas night he came over and we spent time together. When we weren’t together, we were texting each other.
Monday morning, he sent me a text asking me to come to his house. I jumped in my car and headed over.
“Where am I going?” I asked.
“Head towards Disney on I-4” was his answer.
“Okay, then?”
“I’ll let you know when you get there.”
“Oh it’s a piece mail trip! Fun!”
I started to drive.
“Get off at the 535 exit, head north.” He texted.
“Okay”
A few minutes I was on the 535 and texted him “Where do I go now?”
No Answer.
5 minutes later I called him. No Answer.
10 Minutes later. “Where am I going??”
NO ANSWER.
I pulled over into the parking lot at the 7-11 when he finally answered me.
“I’m sorry baby. I just got called in to work. Some other time.”
I put the car in drive and headed to the gym. Should have known then the relationship was doomed. The next day he asked me to come by where he worked to see him. When I did, he was too busy to see me.
We continued to text and get along. I asked him whether we were going to Tampa or Universal and he just kept saying he hadn’t decided yet. I bought a new evening gown just in case.
New Years Eve, around 2pm, he texted me to ask me what I was up to. I told him I was getting my nails done. Not another word for the rest of the day.
I kept texting him, calling, about every 2 hours or so, asking what was going on but never got an answer. He was updating his facebook account (via his blackberry) from the Ale House where he was watching the hockey game. The hockey game ended at 10:45pm. I never heard from him. At a quarter to midnight, I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. I heard my neighbors all celebrating the coming of the new year. I simply buried my face in the pillow and cried.
Over the next week or so I went about my business, returned the $200 evening gown I had bought, and lived my day to day life. On January 8th, he sent me an email. “Hey I dropped my phone in the water at work and lost all my contacts. Call or text me”
I simply replied, “Oh, Eric, you disappoint me. I expected some lavish story about how you were abducted by aliens outside the Ale House after the hockey game and you come back with an excuse like that? Give me a break.”
He replied “I know I hurt you and I am so, so sorry. Will you ever forgive me?”
I can’t say I ever forgave him, but I did let him back into my life. About 2 weeks later, he sent me a picture of him on the Tampa Bay with the words “Wish you were here.” I was at Universal Studios, so I took a picture of the Universal Globe and sent it to him, responding “But then who would be here?”
He replied “I miss you.”
“Thanks”
“I want to be with you.”
“You want to see me? When?”
“Always. I’ve been thinking about it. We should get married.”
“Youre crazy.”
“Nope. Serious,”
“Dummy. I’m still married.”
“After your divorce then”
“Crazy.”
“I’m serious. I don’t want to live without you. Marry me.”
“No.”
We continued to chat on and off, , but I always took it as just a friendship and not a relationship. In March, he asked me to lunch. We sat outside Panera and he told me that he was moving back to Buffalo for a little while to make some money so that “we would be set for life.”
I said, “Oh… ‘We’ as in ‘you and Hannah?” (His daughter)
He replied “No. ‘We” as in ‘you and me’.”
I tried to explain that we’re not a couple and wouldn’t be until I felt I could trust him. And in order to trust him, I needed to know what happened New Years Eve. I got no answer. We parted ways and he moved back to Buffalo. We kept in touch via Facebook while he was up there, and he would often comment on my pictures or send me private messages. In April, he came to visit and asked me to dinner. I made plans to see him, but once again, he stood me up.
You’re probably thinking to yourself “Why are you doing this to yourself?” The answer is I don’t know. I just kept trusting this guy.
The following night he said he had some issues with his schedule the day before, but would I like to come watch the hockey game with him? I did, and it was a complete “eat your heart out” situation. I wouldn’t let him touch me. He was going crazy, because any other time we were together we would sit and he would hold me. Not this time.
He went back to Buffalo to continue working on his business, and when I headed home for my 20th HS reunion, he asked me to come see him. I didn’t, but not because I hated him or anything; it was just a very busy weekend.
In September, he moved back to Orlando. He asked me to meet him out for dinner and I did. We sat at dinner, his arms around my waist, him kissing my cheek and hugging on me… we ate, had a couple of beers, and he started to smile and sighed a satisfied sigh. “What’s that for?” I asked.
“Nothing. I’m just thinking about last New Year’s Eve”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” he answered, his eyes distantly staring into a satisfied space. “I was thinking about how we sat at my apartment.”
I didn’t interrupt.
“Don’t you remember? We were on the back porch, my arms around you, and we watched the Disney fireworks light up the sky.”
I didn’t say a word.
“Then we went inside and made love.”
I paused.
For a Bit.
A LOOOOONG bit.
He looked at me and said, “Hmmm. That was nice. Don’t you remember?”
I glared at him. “Eric. Who the F--- do you think I am?”
“What?”
“YOU F---ING STOOD ME UP ON NEW YEARS EVE!”
“No I didn’t. We went to my house.”
“Oh my God. Are you kidding me???? YOU STOOD ME UP!”
“No, that wasn’t this past New Years! That was the New Years before! “
“I was married the new years before.”
“No… wait…. What?”
I said good night and walked out. We never spoke again.
The restaurant was closing up for the night, so he paid the check and we went out to my car. We kissed, fooled around a bit, and made plans to see each other again. While we sat in the car, he asked if I had a date for New Years. I explained to him that not only did I not have a date for New Years, but that I had NEVER had a date for New Years. Although I had been married for the last 3 New Years Eves, we never had a date or went anywhere.He suggested we check out the Tampa Aquarium. On New Year’s Eve, they have a very expensive black tie dinner and a cruise up the bay to watch the New Years Fireworks. I explained that I didn’t need anything that fancy, but he said we would do that or just be together, go to Universal or something.
The next day we chatted all day. Tuesday night, he came over to my house. We made plans to see each other Christmas day. Christmas night he came over and we spent time together. When we weren’t together, we were texting each other.
Monday morning, he sent me a text asking me to come to his house. I jumped in my car and headed over.
“Where am I going?” I asked.
“Head towards Disney on I-4” was his answer.
“Okay, then?”
“I’ll let you know when you get there.”
“Oh it’s a piece mail trip! Fun!”
I started to drive.
“Get off at the 535 exit, head north.” He texted.
“Okay”
A few minutes I was on the 535 and texted him “Where do I go now?”
No Answer.
5 minutes later I called him. No Answer.
10 Minutes later. “Where am I going??”
NO ANSWER.
I pulled over into the parking lot at the 7-11 when he finally answered me.
“I’m sorry baby. I just got called in to work. Some other time.”
I put the car in drive and headed to the gym. Should have known then the relationship was doomed. The next day he asked me to come by where he worked to see him. When I did, he was too busy to see me.
We continued to text and get along. I asked him whether we were going to Tampa or Universal and he just kept saying he hadn’t decided yet. I bought a new evening gown just in case.
New Years Eve, around 2pm, he texted me to ask me what I was up to. I told him I was getting my nails done. Not another word for the rest of the day.
I kept texting him, calling, about every 2 hours or so, asking what was going on but never got an answer. He was updating his facebook account (via his blackberry) from the Ale House where he was watching the hockey game. The hockey game ended at 10:45pm. I never heard from him. At a quarter to midnight, I crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. I heard my neighbors all celebrating the coming of the new year. I simply buried my face in the pillow and cried.
Over the next week or so I went about my business, returned the $200 evening gown I had bought, and lived my day to day life. On January 8th, he sent me an email. “Hey I dropped my phone in the water at work and lost all my contacts. Call or text me”
I simply replied, “Oh, Eric, you disappoint me. I expected some lavish story about how you were abducted by aliens outside the Ale House after the hockey game and you come back with an excuse like that? Give me a break.”
He replied “I know I hurt you and I am so, so sorry. Will you ever forgive me?”
I can’t say I ever forgave him, but I did let him back into my life. About 2 weeks later, he sent me a picture of him on the Tampa Bay with the words “Wish you were here.” I was at Universal Studios, so I took a picture of the Universal Globe and sent it to him, responding “But then who would be here?”
He replied “I miss you.”
“Thanks”
“I want to be with you.”
“You want to see me? When?”
“Always. I’ve been thinking about it. We should get married.”
“Youre crazy.”
“Nope. Serious,”
“Dummy. I’m still married.”
“After your divorce then”
“Crazy.”
“I’m serious. I don’t want to live without you. Marry me.”
“No.”
We continued to chat on and off, , but I always took it as just a friendship and not a relationship. In March, he asked me to lunch. We sat outside Panera and he told me that he was moving back to Buffalo for a little while to make some money so that “we would be set for life.”
I said, “Oh… ‘We’ as in ‘you and Hannah?” (His daughter)
He replied “No. ‘We” as in ‘you and me’.”
I tried to explain that we’re not a couple and wouldn’t be until I felt I could trust him. And in order to trust him, I needed to know what happened New Years Eve. I got no answer. We parted ways and he moved back to Buffalo. We kept in touch via Facebook while he was up there, and he would often comment on my pictures or send me private messages. In April, he came to visit and asked me to dinner. I made plans to see him, but once again, he stood me up.
You’re probably thinking to yourself “Why are you doing this to yourself?” The answer is I don’t know. I just kept trusting this guy.
The following night he said he had some issues with his schedule the day before, but would I like to come watch the hockey game with him? I did, and it was a complete “eat your heart out” situation. I wouldn’t let him touch me. He was going crazy, because any other time we were together we would sit and he would hold me. Not this time.
He went back to Buffalo to continue working on his business, and when I headed home for my 20th HS reunion, he asked me to come see him. I didn’t, but not because I hated him or anything; it was just a very busy weekend.
In September, he moved back to Orlando. He asked me to meet him out for dinner and I did. We sat at dinner, his arms around my waist, him kissing my cheek and hugging on me… we ate, had a couple of beers, and he started to smile and sighed a satisfied sigh. “What’s that for?” I asked.
“Nothing. I’m just thinking about last New Year’s Eve”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” he answered, his eyes distantly staring into a satisfied space. “I was thinking about how we sat at my apartment.”
I didn’t interrupt.
“Don’t you remember? We were on the back porch, my arms around you, and we watched the Disney fireworks light up the sky.”
I didn’t say a word.
“Then we went inside and made love.”
I paused.
For a Bit.
A LOOOOONG bit.
He looked at me and said, “Hmmm. That was nice. Don’t you remember?”
I glared at him. “Eric. Who the F--- do you think I am?”
“What?”
“YOU F---ING STOOD ME UP ON NEW YEARS EVE!”
“No I didn’t. We went to my house.”
“Oh my God. Are you kidding me???? YOU STOOD ME UP!”
“No, that wasn’t this past New Years! That was the New Years before! “
“I was married the new years before.”
“No… wait…. What?”
I said good night and walked out. We never spoke again.
The Meathead
So One of my dates- we call him "Meathead" Only because "Choad" seemed a bit too-- caustic.
So Meathead invites me to lunch. He wants to go to Chipotle. Fine with me... I go out to Winter Park and he's standing outside waiting for me. He's short. Built pretty well, but stocky. I walk up to him and give him a hug-- as is the status quo with my first dates. He walks inside Chipotle and LETS THE DOOR CLOSE ON MY FACE. Okay. I can overlook that little bit of common courtesy. We stand in the queuing station and I say "So, What's good? I've never been here."
"You've never been to Chipotle?"
"Nope"
"Psh. Liar."
uhm.... oh-kaaaaaay.... because Chipotle is like a porn store- nobody ever admits to actually frequenting the place. (insert roll of the eyes here)
He goes up and orders. Before me, of course. Fine... he knows what he wants; I'm still deciding.
HE STARTS TO FLIRT WITH THE GIRL MAKING THE BURRITO. "You're the fastest Burrito roller I've ever seen! Wow. I'm impressed! A beatuiful girl who can work her hands. I like."
Okay.... I'm a little put off at this point. I order and he makes some smart ass comment about how he feels sorry for the guy who's taking me out that night because I decide to get beans on the burrito. We'll let that one slide.
He pays. I have a heart attack because I totally grabbed my wallet at this point... It didn't seem like he was doing anything else gentlemanly...
We walk over to the drink station and he gets his drink while I wait. "You wanna sit outside?" He says. "Sure," I answer. So as I am getting my drink, he walks outside, sits down and starts to gorge on this burrito thats bigger than my fucking forearm.
I walk outside and he's eating. I sit down and take a bite. (OMG Cholesterol City...) We talk about pof, how many dates we've been on, etc. He mentions how he thinks its ridiculous how women put up pictures that make them look thinner or younger than they really are in real life. I start to wonder.... is he talking about me? Do I look older or fatter than my pics?
I tell him about this disaster of a date I had with a guy who was 5'4" and 25 years old. He says "Well, I'm 27 and only 5'6"."
"Yeah, I see that."
By this time he's finished his burrito and I'm barely 1/8 of the way done- those things are monstrous. So either he wants to know if I'm a huge fat pig who is gonna eat the whole thing or he wants to see how big I can stretch my mouth. Neither one would phase me at this point, to be quite honest. (However, something tells me in his 27 steroid-induced years, he hasn't had the energy to grow a dick big enough to make me stretch my mouth.)
He sits with his arms crossed. "Are you cold?" I ask (It was late December) "No, just done. I think I'm gonna go hit the gym."
Okay.... He gets up and busses his tray. As I'm getting up to take care of my things, he goes inside and gets a refill on his soda.
I walk in and he says "You ready?"
"Yes"
He walks out the door and lets it slam on my face again. Date's over... I let it go.
I say thank you and give him another hug.
I get in my car and drive away.
Ten minutes later I get a text.
"I like your ass. I wanted to grab it."
Dumbfounded, I compose myself and simply reply "Didn't know you had a chance to see it as I was ten steps behind you like the whole time."
And... scene.
So Meathead invites me to lunch. He wants to go to Chipotle. Fine with me... I go out to Winter Park and he's standing outside waiting for me. He's short. Built pretty well, but stocky. I walk up to him and give him a hug-- as is the status quo with my first dates. He walks inside Chipotle and LETS THE DOOR CLOSE ON MY FACE. Okay. I can overlook that little bit of common courtesy. We stand in the queuing station and I say "So, What's good? I've never been here."
"You've never been to Chipotle?"
"Nope"
"Psh. Liar."
uhm.... oh-kaaaaaay.... because Chipotle is like a porn store- nobody ever admits to actually frequenting the place. (insert roll of the eyes here)
He goes up and orders. Before me, of course. Fine... he knows what he wants; I'm still deciding.
HE STARTS TO FLIRT WITH THE GIRL MAKING THE BURRITO. "You're the fastest Burrito roller I've ever seen! Wow. I'm impressed! A beatuiful girl who can work her hands. I like."
Okay.... I'm a little put off at this point. I order and he makes some smart ass comment about how he feels sorry for the guy who's taking me out that night because I decide to get beans on the burrito. We'll let that one slide.
He pays. I have a heart attack because I totally grabbed my wallet at this point... It didn't seem like he was doing anything else gentlemanly...
We walk over to the drink station and he gets his drink while I wait. "You wanna sit outside?" He says. "Sure," I answer. So as I am getting my drink, he walks outside, sits down and starts to gorge on this burrito thats bigger than my fucking forearm.
I walk outside and he's eating. I sit down and take a bite. (OMG Cholesterol City...) We talk about pof, how many dates we've been on, etc. He mentions how he thinks its ridiculous how women put up pictures that make them look thinner or younger than they really are in real life. I start to wonder.... is he talking about me? Do I look older or fatter than my pics?
I tell him about this disaster of a date I had with a guy who was 5'4" and 25 years old. He says "Well, I'm 27 and only 5'6"."
"Yeah, I see that."
By this time he's finished his burrito and I'm barely 1/8 of the way done- those things are monstrous. So either he wants to know if I'm a huge fat pig who is gonna eat the whole thing or he wants to see how big I can stretch my mouth. Neither one would phase me at this point, to be quite honest. (However, something tells me in his 27 steroid-induced years, he hasn't had the energy to grow a dick big enough to make me stretch my mouth.)
He sits with his arms crossed. "Are you cold?" I ask (It was late December) "No, just done. I think I'm gonna go hit the gym."
Okay.... He gets up and busses his tray. As I'm getting up to take care of my things, he goes inside and gets a refill on his soda.
I walk in and he says "You ready?"
"Yes"
He walks out the door and lets it slam on my face again. Date's over... I let it go.
I say thank you and give him another hug.
I get in my car and drive away.
Ten minutes later I get a text.
"I like your ass. I wanted to grab it."
Dumbfounded, I compose myself and simply reply "Didn't know you had a chance to see it as I was ten steps behind you like the whole time."
And... scene.
The Prick
The Prick was my first pof date. Since I was fairly new to the dating scene, I had established my first date rules.
1. We meet in a public place
2. You take your car; I don’t get in your car
3. I take my car; you do not get in my car
4. No kissing.
A guy messaged me and his profile picture showed that his arm was clearly around someone, so I just asked “Are you the one-armed man from the fugitive or did someone not make the cut?”
He replied, “My Ex. She taught me that I don’t know how to share.”
Uhm… okay… I didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, but I assumed it meant his communication skills were lacking, so I made a joke of it.
“Oh so you’re a selfish prick? Only concerned with your needs and never considering hers? LOL”
“I am NOT a prick and I resent that you would call me that! And I’m about as UNSELFISH as they come. She cheated on me. I refused to share HER.”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just being facetious. Just a joke.”
“How is calling someone a prick a joke?!?!”
“Sorry… Just a botched joke. I apologize.”
“It’s okay. I’ll let you make it up to me”
…but of course he will...
We chatted online for a couple of days and I explained my rules to him. He was quite bothered by the last rule. “That’s ridiculous. No kissing on the first date? What is this? 1958? Gimme a break.”
So for the next few days he would message me and say “You’re gonna want me so bad and you’re not even gonna be able to kiss me. You and your “rules.” I’m gonna make sure you keep them.” But I wasn’t being fished in that easily.
He asked me out for Friday night, but I explained that my friend Matt’s band was playing and I wanted to go to the concert. So I suggested we go together. He agreed that we should go to dinner and then to the concert.
He lived about an hour away and the next morning he had a 730AM tee time so he was “staying with his buddy in town.”
We met for sushi at about 7pm and finished at about 830. It was a nice conversation, and while I had a very nice time, there was a certain amount of chemistry that was missing.
After dinner, we stood outside in the parking lot. He suggested we get in his car to get warm, but in keeping with my “rules” I told him I preferred to stand outside. We stood around for about ten minutes asking each other what we would like to do next.
“We could go to the concert. It has already started.”
“No. I don’t want to spend the whole night in a bar. We’ll do that later. Let’s do something else.”
I didn’t know what to suggest. He said “Tell you what… I’m gonna go hit the head, when I get back, you come up with an idea of something we can do.”
He returned to the restaurant to use the rest room and left me outside. I paced back and forth until he came out. “So, what did you come up with?”
I said “Well, I would suggest we take a walk but it’s kind of cold out here. So we can go walk around the mall if you like. It’s warmer, and we don’t have to go shopping or anything, but just walk around and talk.”
“No I don’t want to do that.”
I didn’t know what else to say.
Finally, after another 5 minutes, he said “I’m gonna go see my buddy who I’m staying with. How about I meet you at the concert.”
We agreed to do that. As I drove away, it dawned on me what he was doing!!!! Immediately, I text him and said “I figured out your evil plan!”
“What evil plan?”
“You think that, by leaving in the middle of the date, when you show up at the concert, it will technically be a second date and I will kiss you!”
“You figured that out, huh? Was I wrong?”
“Yep.”
“Yes? Meaning you’re not going to kiss me? Why not?”
And here, readers of my blog, is where I was more honest than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I simply replied:
“Well, I had a very nice time at dinner. But to be quite honest, I didn’t feel the overwhelming urge to ravage you.”
So here arises the debate. Did I do the right thing? Because less than 5 minutes later, he texted me and said “My buddy I was going to stay with has an overnight guest. So I’m gonna head back home unless you have a better idea.”
I simply said good night. I was NOT going to let him stay at my house. And I never heard from him again.
1. We meet in a public place
2. You take your car; I don’t get in your car
3. I take my car; you do not get in my car
4. No kissing.
A guy messaged me and his profile picture showed that his arm was clearly around someone, so I just asked “Are you the one-armed man from the fugitive or did someone not make the cut?”
He replied, “My Ex. She taught me that I don’t know how to share.”
Uhm… okay… I didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, but I assumed it meant his communication skills were lacking, so I made a joke of it.
“Oh so you’re a selfish prick? Only concerned with your needs and never considering hers? LOL”
“I am NOT a prick and I resent that you would call me that! And I’m about as UNSELFISH as they come. She cheated on me. I refused to share HER.”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just being facetious. Just a joke.”
“How is calling someone a prick a joke?!?!”
“Sorry… Just a botched joke. I apologize.”
“It’s okay. I’ll let you make it up to me”
…but of course he will...
We chatted online for a couple of days and I explained my rules to him. He was quite bothered by the last rule. “That’s ridiculous. No kissing on the first date? What is this? 1958? Gimme a break.”
So for the next few days he would message me and say “You’re gonna want me so bad and you’re not even gonna be able to kiss me. You and your “rules.” I’m gonna make sure you keep them.” But I wasn’t being fished in that easily.
He asked me out for Friday night, but I explained that my friend Matt’s band was playing and I wanted to go to the concert. So I suggested we go together. He agreed that we should go to dinner and then to the concert.
He lived about an hour away and the next morning he had a 730AM tee time so he was “staying with his buddy in town.”
We met for sushi at about 7pm and finished at about 830. It was a nice conversation, and while I had a very nice time, there was a certain amount of chemistry that was missing.
After dinner, we stood outside in the parking lot. He suggested we get in his car to get warm, but in keeping with my “rules” I told him I preferred to stand outside. We stood around for about ten minutes asking each other what we would like to do next.
“We could go to the concert. It has already started.”
“No. I don’t want to spend the whole night in a bar. We’ll do that later. Let’s do something else.”
I didn’t know what to suggest. He said “Tell you what… I’m gonna go hit the head, when I get back, you come up with an idea of something we can do.”
He returned to the restaurant to use the rest room and left me outside. I paced back and forth until he came out. “So, what did you come up with?”
I said “Well, I would suggest we take a walk but it’s kind of cold out here. So we can go walk around the mall if you like. It’s warmer, and we don’t have to go shopping or anything, but just walk around and talk.”
“No I don’t want to do that.”
I didn’t know what else to say.
Finally, after another 5 minutes, he said “I’m gonna go see my buddy who I’m staying with. How about I meet you at the concert.”
We agreed to do that. As I drove away, it dawned on me what he was doing!!!! Immediately, I text him and said “I figured out your evil plan!”
“What evil plan?”
“You think that, by leaving in the middle of the date, when you show up at the concert, it will technically be a second date and I will kiss you!”
“You figured that out, huh? Was I wrong?”
“Yep.”
“Yes? Meaning you’re not going to kiss me? Why not?”
And here, readers of my blog, is where I was more honest than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I simply replied:
“Well, I had a very nice time at dinner. But to be quite honest, I didn’t feel the overwhelming urge to ravage you.”
So here arises the debate. Did I do the right thing? Because less than 5 minutes later, he texted me and said “My buddy I was going to stay with has an overnight guest. So I’m gonna head back home unless you have a better idea.”
I simply said good night. I was NOT going to let him stay at my house. And I never heard from him again.
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