The Prick was my first pof date. Since I was fairly new to the dating scene, I had established my first date rules.
1. We meet in a public place
2. You take your car; I don’t get in your car
3. I take my car; you do not get in my car
4. No kissing.
A guy messaged me and his profile picture showed that his arm was clearly around someone, so I just asked “Are you the one-armed man from the fugitive or did someone not make the cut?”
He replied, “My Ex. She taught me that I don’t know how to share.”
Uhm… okay… I didn’t know what that was supposed to mean, but I assumed it meant his communication skills were lacking, so I made a joke of it.
“Oh so you’re a selfish prick? Only concerned with your needs and never considering hers? LOL”
“I am NOT a prick and I resent that you would call me that! And I’m about as UNSELFISH as they come. She cheated on me. I refused to share HER.”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to offend you. I was just being facetious. Just a joke.”
“How is calling someone a prick a joke?!?!”
“Sorry… Just a botched joke. I apologize.”
“It’s okay. I’ll let you make it up to me”
…but of course he will...
We chatted online for a couple of days and I explained my rules to him. He was quite bothered by the last rule. “That’s ridiculous. No kissing on the first date? What is this? 1958? Gimme a break.”
So for the next few days he would message me and say “You’re gonna want me so bad and you’re not even gonna be able to kiss me. You and your “rules.” I’m gonna make sure you keep them.” But I wasn’t being fished in that easily.
He asked me out for Friday night, but I explained that my friend Matt’s band was playing and I wanted to go to the concert. So I suggested we go together. He agreed that we should go to dinner and then to the concert.
He lived about an hour away and the next morning he had a 730AM tee time so he was “staying with his buddy in town.”
We met for sushi at about 7pm and finished at about 830. It was a nice conversation, and while I had a very nice time, there was a certain amount of chemistry that was missing.
After dinner, we stood outside in the parking lot. He suggested we get in his car to get warm, but in keeping with my “rules” I told him I preferred to stand outside. We stood around for about ten minutes asking each other what we would like to do next.
“We could go to the concert. It has already started.”
“No. I don’t want to spend the whole night in a bar. We’ll do that later. Let’s do something else.”
I didn’t know what to suggest. He said “Tell you what… I’m gonna go hit the head, when I get back, you come up with an idea of something we can do.”
He returned to the restaurant to use the rest room and left me outside. I paced back and forth until he came out. “So, what did you come up with?”
I said “Well, I would suggest we take a walk but it’s kind of cold out here. So we can go walk around the mall if you like. It’s warmer, and we don’t have to go shopping or anything, but just walk around and talk.”
“No I don’t want to do that.”
I didn’t know what else to say.
Finally, after another 5 minutes, he said “I’m gonna go see my buddy who I’m staying with. How about I meet you at the concert.”
We agreed to do that. As I drove away, it dawned on me what he was doing!!!! Immediately, I text him and said “I figured out your evil plan!”
“What evil plan?”
“You think that, by leaving in the middle of the date, when you show up at the concert, it will technically be a second date and I will kiss you!”
“You figured that out, huh? Was I wrong?”
“Yep.”
“Yes? Meaning you’re not going to kiss me? Why not?”
And here, readers of my blog, is where I was more honest than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I simply replied:
“Well, I had a very nice time at dinner. But to be quite honest, I didn’t feel the overwhelming urge to ravage you.”
So here arises the debate. Did I do the right thing? Because less than 5 minutes later, he texted me and said “My buddy I was going to stay with has an overnight guest. So I’m gonna head back home unless you have a better idea.”
I simply said good night. I was NOT going to let him stay at my house. And I never heard from him again.
