So One of my dates- we call him "Meathead" Only because "Choad" seemed a bit too-- caustic.
So Meathead invites me to lunch. He wants to go to Chipotle. Fine with me... I go out to Winter Park and he's standing outside waiting for me. He's short. Built pretty well, but stocky. I walk up to him and give him a hug-- as is the status quo with my first dates. He walks inside Chipotle and LETS THE DOOR CLOSE ON MY FACE. Okay. I can overlook that little bit of common courtesy. We stand in the queuing station and I say "So, What's good? I've never been here."
"You've never been to Chipotle?"
"Nope"
"Psh. Liar."
uhm.... oh-kaaaaaay.... because Chipotle is like a porn store- nobody ever admits to actually frequenting the place. (insert roll of the eyes here)
He goes up and orders. Before me, of course. Fine... he knows what he wants; I'm still deciding.
HE STARTS TO FLIRT WITH THE GIRL MAKING THE BURRITO. "You're the fastest Burrito roller I've ever seen! Wow. I'm impressed! A beatuiful girl who can work her hands. I like."
Okay.... I'm a little put off at this point. I order and he makes some smart ass comment about how he feels sorry for the guy who's taking me out that night because I decide to get beans on the burrito. We'll let that one slide.
He pays. I have a heart attack because I totally grabbed my wallet at this point... It didn't seem like he was doing anything else gentlemanly...
We walk over to the drink station and he gets his drink while I wait. "You wanna sit outside?" He says. "Sure," I answer. So as I am getting my drink, he walks outside, sits down and starts to gorge on this burrito thats bigger than my fucking forearm.
I walk outside and he's eating. I sit down and take a bite. (OMG Cholesterol City...) We talk about pof, how many dates we've been on, etc. He mentions how he thinks its ridiculous how women put up pictures that make them look thinner or younger than they really are in real life. I start to wonder.... is he talking about me? Do I look older or fatter than my pics?
I tell him about this disaster of a date I had with a guy who was 5'4" and 25 years old. He says "Well, I'm 27 and only 5'6"."
"Yeah, I see that."
By this time he's finished his burrito and I'm barely 1/8 of the way done- those things are monstrous. So either he wants to know if I'm a huge fat pig who is gonna eat the whole thing or he wants to see how big I can stretch my mouth. Neither one would phase me at this point, to be quite honest. (However, something tells me in his 27 steroid-induced years, he hasn't had the energy to grow a dick big enough to make me stretch my mouth.)
He sits with his arms crossed. "Are you cold?" I ask (It was late December) "No, just done. I think I'm gonna go hit the gym."
Okay.... He gets up and busses his tray. As I'm getting up to take care of my things, he goes inside and gets a refill on his soda.
I walk in and he says "You ready?"
"Yes"
He walks out the door and lets it slam on my face again. Date's over... I let it go.
I say thank you and give him another hug.
I get in my car and drive away.
Ten minutes later I get a text.
"I like your ass. I wanted to grab it."
Dumbfounded, I compose myself and simply reply "Didn't know you had a chance to see it as I was ten steps behind you like the whole time."
And... scene.
